When I first got into the EMS field I heard stories; stories of close calls that became saves, calls that turned out to be stranger than fiction, and even calls that turned out to be nothing Every EMT has them. Every EMT loves telling them. However when asked one simple question you get a completely opposite reaction. "What's the worst call you've ever been on?" Most people's face expressions become stoic, the moment they remember the call that continues to haunt their thoughts every so often, the one that still comes to them in their dreams.
It would randomly be brought up from time to time, some able to share that call that got to them, others just dismissing it by changing the subject. Others would blow off their own recollections with suggestions as what was to come for us new EMT folk. Most of the EMS people I talked to were curious as to how I would handle my first truly bad call. I have to be honest I wondered that myself, the thought coming up at least once every time I was paged to a call. Would it cause me to lose sleep like it does most? Would I freeze up being completely useless during the call? Was I cut out to be there in someone else's worst moment?
Well having that call is inevitable. Sooner or later it is going to happen. The best I can do is do what I have been trained to and do it to the best of my abilities. So I was told, and what I told myself.
Well I was hoping to finish this rambling with a quip about me still having yet to experience this call and how I think I can handle it. The truth is, Last Friday night, October 22nd I experienced that call. ATV crash with a patient who was DOA. I won't go into details on it as I would rather not like to think about it, but forever will the patient's face, body, everything be burned into my mind, forever will the screams of hysteria and the patient's significant other clutching me haunt my thoughts. I did my job and did what I was supposed to, but I didn't sleep the rest of that night. I'm still waking up every so often with my mind going to that night. Yeah these calls will become easier in time and yeah I am going to see a lot of these calls in my career.
I've been told that I need to not take my work home with me, and I am getting a stronger stomach in taking these calls but having people tell me that I will get to a point where they won't affect me at all. In all honesty I'm hoping I never reach that point. I have to learn to not let these calls take a hold of my life and strangle it and I need to learn to accept that call for what it is and move in but it won't. That call, my first bad call, will forever be with me. I hope to learn to let it not affect me so deeply but to not let it affect me at all in my opinion causes us to lose the very thing that made us want to lose sleep in the first place, to see people at their worst and help them. Without that empathy, without that sense of what those people are feeling and a longing to make that go away we become complacent. We lose our urge to do our best and we lose a chance to make a difference.
I end on the fact that I will probably continue to lose sleep thanks to my career choice and what I have/will see. I am learning how to handle these calls. Most importantly I am learning how to be empathetic without letting these calls eat me from the inside. It will take time, it will take struggle, but in the end, that's what makes it worth it.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Facing Your Fears... Or Those Things That Make You Question Your Sanity
Hello everyone. Here it is, another blog post. I know, I know, it has been a bit since my past post. Well I have been busy. Cranking out three tests a week, volunteering at more than one place and work just seems to fill up my entire life. So here we go.
For our Rescue class I believe I mentioned the fact that I was going to be going repelling off of a 200ft cliff face. Well I did and it was a hoot. Moving on. Ha not really here we are. We go up to an area called Blue Cloud which for those of you who don't know where that is, it is by Baxendale Fire Department on the way to Missoula. The road was bumpy and it took some off-roading to get to, plus a half mile hike up the mountain and there you are. We had a stokes basket with 300lbs worth of gear to carry up too. Needless to say we got a workout before we even hit the actual cliff face. Once we got up there two facts were quite evident. One, the view was amazing, two, the view was amazing because we were really high up. The second fact playing a lot into what I am about to write.
We set up all our stuff and got it ready so that we could repel down the cliff face. Anchoring to a tree, getting our helmets and harnesses on, and strapping in. So we went one at a time and I spent most of the day taking pictures for the programs Fire and Rescue Facebook page. I was second to go over the cliff face. So I get strapped in and after triple checking my harness and rope I start making towards the point of no return. I get there. Staring down I see our belay guy staring up at me. Two thoughts are going through my mind, man are we high up, and this really gorgeous view isn't going to mean anything if this rope snaps. Words of encouragement are shouted, prayers to the powers that be are muttered and look out below. I was scared out of my mind but I proceeded cautiously. You know that feeling of panic you get when you're doing something that causes the voice in the back of your head to shout "WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING!?", the same feeling you get when you look at that first downward path of a rollercoaster? Well yeah that feeling was very much present. I very cautiously started leaning myself back until my legs were perpendicular to the rock face. The only thing between me and a very fast approaching ground being the grip of my left hand on the rope. I found that as I inched further down the feeling of dread went away and as I got more comfortable The repel came quicker and more comfortable. Once I hit the ground and shouted "Belay off!" I looked up. The wall had been conquered. My sanity had been questioned. My heart was still racing.
We spent a few more hours repelling and getting over our immediate fears of height. As the day progressed so did the wind and we decided to call it a day.
Unrelated Notes
On an unrelated note or two, my sweetie passed her first responder practicals. All she has left between her and her license is the National Registry test but as we all know she will pass with flying colors. We volunteered at the Boulder Rodeo and there were no injuries short of the minor breaks and usual dislocations.
Other than that, that's about it. So stay tuned. I'd make a mention of promises to update this more frequently but who knows when. So stay tuned. There will be updates. Sometime in the near future.
For our Rescue class I believe I mentioned the fact that I was going to be going repelling off of a 200ft cliff face. Well I did and it was a hoot. Moving on. Ha not really here we are. We go up to an area called Blue Cloud which for those of you who don't know where that is, it is by Baxendale Fire Department on the way to Missoula. The road was bumpy and it took some off-roading to get to, plus a half mile hike up the mountain and there you are. We had a stokes basket with 300lbs worth of gear to carry up too. Needless to say we got a workout before we even hit the actual cliff face. Once we got up there two facts were quite evident. One, the view was amazing, two, the view was amazing because we were really high up. The second fact playing a lot into what I am about to write.
We set up all our stuff and got it ready so that we could repel down the cliff face. Anchoring to a tree, getting our helmets and harnesses on, and strapping in. So we went one at a time and I spent most of the day taking pictures for the programs Fire and Rescue Facebook page. I was second to go over the cliff face. So I get strapped in and after triple checking my harness and rope I start making towards the point of no return. I get there. Staring down I see our belay guy staring up at me. Two thoughts are going through my mind, man are we high up, and this really gorgeous view isn't going to mean anything if this rope snaps. Words of encouragement are shouted, prayers to the powers that be are muttered and look out below. I was scared out of my mind but I proceeded cautiously. You know that feeling of panic you get when you're doing something that causes the voice in the back of your head to shout "WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING!?", the same feeling you get when you look at that first downward path of a rollercoaster? Well yeah that feeling was very much present. I very cautiously started leaning myself back until my legs were perpendicular to the rock face. The only thing between me and a very fast approaching ground being the grip of my left hand on the rope. I found that as I inched further down the feeling of dread went away and as I got more comfortable The repel came quicker and more comfortable. Once I hit the ground and shouted "Belay off!" I looked up. The wall had been conquered. My sanity had been questioned. My heart was still racing.
We spent a few more hours repelling and getting over our immediate fears of height. As the day progressed so did the wind and we decided to call it a day.
Unrelated Notes
On an unrelated note or two, my sweetie passed her first responder practicals. All she has left between her and her license is the National Registry test but as we all know she will pass with flying colors. We volunteered at the Boulder Rodeo and there were no injuries short of the minor breaks and usual dislocations.
Other than that, that's about it. So stay tuned. I'd make a mention of promises to update this more frequently but who knows when. So stay tuned. There will be updates. Sometime in the near future.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
School Part One
Well hello everyone, it sure has been a while since I've updated this blog. I haven't forgotten nor have I abandoned it. School has been ridiculously busy. I've had a bunch of tests already and we are only a month into school. Here is a break down of each class.
Math - The first two months will be review, starting from 4th grade math to basic algebra. The math is so simple it's hard. What I mean by this is that I do it so much in my head that actually taking the time to write out the step by step arithmetic I make simple mistakes.
Rescue - This class is probably the most fun class I've had. Right now we are learning how to do low angle rescue with 3:1 pulley systems and repelling. We use these to go down hills lower than 30 degrees. We will be learning high angle but that will be coming later. We are tomorrow (09-18-2010) going out and doing live scenarios so expect a post about that with pictures.
Fire Inspection - So far a lot of book reading in this class with lectures. We are going to actually go out today and do mock fire inspections. I'll write more on that later, but we are going over the basics of fire inspection with an advanced class down the road.
Building Construction - We are learning various building techniques and construction methods used to build all sorts of occupancies. The basis of this class is to teach us what to look for in the new light weight construction that can kill us firefighters.
Fire Suppression & Detection Systems - We learn about different types of alarms for fires and the systems used to extinguish them. A lot of book learning to this class.
FIRE & EMS
We have had a few calls since I've written last. One was a structure fire with a CO count in the 600+ parts per million. As defined by OSHA, anything about 500 ppm, is something we shouldn't be in. In 2 minutes or so you die. Paper and yarn on a 100w bulb was the culprit of this fire.
We have had a few rollovers but everyone was fine and walked away. That is a good thing but still no chance to get my last two patient sticks for my IV endorsement. However I did just recently get hired on by Boulder Ambulance so I will probably have my endorsements here shortly.
Other than that, I'm spending my time working and going to school. Trying to get ahead in all of it. My sweetie has her interview to get into PA school so I'm wishing her a whole lot of luck. Stay tuned!
Math - The first two months will be review, starting from 4th grade math to basic algebra. The math is so simple it's hard. What I mean by this is that I do it so much in my head that actually taking the time to write out the step by step arithmetic I make simple mistakes.
Rescue - This class is probably the most fun class I've had. Right now we are learning how to do low angle rescue with 3:1 pulley systems and repelling. We use these to go down hills lower than 30 degrees. We will be learning high angle but that will be coming later. We are tomorrow (09-18-2010) going out and doing live scenarios so expect a post about that with pictures.
Fire Inspection - So far a lot of book reading in this class with lectures. We are going to actually go out today and do mock fire inspections. I'll write more on that later, but we are going over the basics of fire inspection with an advanced class down the road.
Building Construction - We are learning various building techniques and construction methods used to build all sorts of occupancies. The basis of this class is to teach us what to look for in the new light weight construction that can kill us firefighters.
Fire Suppression & Detection Systems - We learn about different types of alarms for fires and the systems used to extinguish them. A lot of book learning to this class.
FIRE & EMS
We have had a few calls since I've written last. One was a structure fire with a CO count in the 600+ parts per million. As defined by OSHA, anything about 500 ppm, is something we shouldn't be in. In 2 minutes or so you die. Paper and yarn on a 100w bulb was the culprit of this fire.
We have had a few rollovers but everyone was fine and walked away. That is a good thing but still no chance to get my last two patient sticks for my IV endorsement. However I did just recently get hired on by Boulder Ambulance so I will probably have my endorsements here shortly.
Other than that, I'm spending my time working and going to school. Trying to get ahead in all of it. My sweetie has her interview to get into PA school so I'm wishing her a whole lot of luck. Stay tuned!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The Way I Look at Life
Busy with school, and work, I will write on that here this next week, when I have time, but I was going through some old emails and what not and stumbled onto something I wrote a long time ago that kind of is the way I few life. It was written after my twin sister's passing and was inspired by that tragedy. Happy reading.
"They say how one deals with hardship is a definition of this person's character, I say that there is only so much character that any one human being should have to exhibit. When they don't realize their potential, they are deemed as a waste of time, discarded, thrown away like any common piece of trash. There are some that embrace this idea, and then there are some that take this idea and use it to fuel every movement, every action and every thought to rise above it and walk in their own path. Some lose the daily battle that is life, others will find a way to coexist with it, passing by without even a trace and there are those who will make an impact so monumental that it shapes lives. This impact is seldom derived by a single exploding moment but rather through a series of simple actions in the way one lives their life. There within holds the idea that even a small impact could possibly change the way another person views this existence called life, and wouldn't that be better than impacting no one at all? I think this, to change the outlook of even one person based on our actions, our ideas, or even ourselves, is just an opportunity too hard to just pass up..."
~ Anonymous
"They say how one deals with hardship is a definition of this person's character, I say that there is only so much character that any one human being should have to exhibit. When they don't realize their potential, they are deemed as a waste of time, discarded, thrown away like any common piece of trash. There are some that embrace this idea, and then there are some that take this idea and use it to fuel every movement, every action and every thought to rise above it and walk in their own path. Some lose the daily battle that is life, others will find a way to coexist with it, passing by without even a trace and there are those who will make an impact so monumental that it shapes lives. This impact is seldom derived by a single exploding moment but rather through a series of simple actions in the way one lives their life. There within holds the idea that even a small impact could possibly change the way another person views this existence called life, and wouldn't that be better than impacting no one at all? I think this, to change the outlook of even one person based on our actions, our ideas, or even ourselves, is just an opportunity too hard to just pass up..."
~ Anonymous
Monday, July 26, 2010
IV's and Seattle
Alrighty everyone well I was hoping to keep this updated more but I am having a hard time finding the time to update this blog, but don't worry I will keep it going. You know how summer is. As I have said in earlier posts Summer has finally started and as it is really short, it's hard trying to get everything we want to do this summer done in a few short months. Anyway it has been a busy few weeks in the Fire/EMS world ending with a wedding in Seattle. So let us jump right into it.
EMT-B Endorsements
So this week I finally got the boss' okay to start my endorsements. So rather than just being an EMT-B that can assist patients with their medications I can actually give medications, place IV's and open airways etc. Well I have my monitoring endorsement already. I can place a 4-lead, monitor heart beats, check blood glucose and so on. These past few weeks I decided that I was going to just work on the cognitive parts of these endorsements myself. So I decided I was going to do the IV/IO initiation (starting) and IV/IO maintenance (monitoring) endorsements. Well the Paramedic/Instructor saw me working on these endorsements and decided to take it upon himself to teach me.
So after I got down the cognitive stuff it was time to do the psycho-motor stuff. My buddy from fire class and EMT coworker Dave decided that he was going to be my first IV poke. We were both nervous as hell but the paramedic was watching. Well the first one I totally missed the vein. Not so sucky for me, but a lot more sucky for Dave. Well the second one I nailed as you can see by the pictures. The first one is my IV technique and then my second one is the IV fully finished. After that I went 7 for 8. So that felt pretty good.
By the end of the day I was exhausted with IVs and I had fire training. We went over structure triage and went out and triaged a persons house that was out in the middle of a lot of trees. Beetle kill and all.
For those of you who don't know when I refer to the beetle kill, our winters haven't been cold enough in the past ten years to keep the pine beetle from entering Montana. These beetles burrow into the trees and lay eggs. The next spring the eggs hatch and the larva burrow and feed inward towards the core. Not only does this cause damage to the trees but when the beetles burrow in a deadly tree fungus is brought in, causing the trees to die. I don't know the science behind it but that is what I've heard.
Anyway after that it was time to head to Seattle for a wedding. The wedding was beautiful and original. The bride and groom had everyone let go balloons at the end of the wedding. It was awesome. Dinner was delicious and the band was epic. When I say epic I mean they were amazing . They went from singing 60's hits, to rapping eminem and lady gaga to Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer to end the wedding. Ending on a natural high of good food, good music and good people we all went to my car to find the picture you see here.
Apparently a lady decided that she wanted my sweetie's sister in law's purse and had to shatter my window to get it. After a police report, canceled credit cards and so on, we finally taped it up with cardboard and went back to the hotel. We hung out and played games Saturday night then drove home Sunday. All and all it was a good time and meeting my sweetie's family was fun. They all enjoy each other and having fun and it was neat to be around.
Other than that not much is going on, I hope to get my first patient stick at work tomorrow but we will see. Wish me luck, until next time, stay safe and stay tuned!
EMT-B Endorsements
So this week I finally got the boss' okay to start my endorsements. So rather than just being an EMT-B that can assist patients with their medications I can actually give medications, place IV's and open airways etc. Well I have my monitoring endorsement already. I can place a 4-lead, monitor heart beats, check blood glucose and so on. These past few weeks I decided that I was going to just work on the cognitive parts of these endorsements myself. So I decided I was going to do the IV/IO initiation (starting) and IV/IO maintenance (monitoring) endorsements. Well the Paramedic/Instructor saw me working on these endorsements and decided to take it upon himself to teach me.
By the end of the day I was exhausted with IVs and I had fire training. We went over structure triage and went out and triaged a persons house that was out in the middle of a lot of trees. Beetle kill and all.For those of you who don't know when I refer to the beetle kill, our winters haven't been cold enough in the past ten years to keep the pine beetle from entering Montana. These beetles burrow into the trees and lay eggs. The next spring the eggs hatch and the larva burrow and feed inward towards the core. Not only does this cause damage to the trees but when the beetles burrow in a deadly tree fungus is brought in, causing the trees to die. I don't know the science behind it but that is what I've heard.
Anyway after that it was time to head to Seattle for a wedding. The wedding was beautiful and original. The bride and groom had everyone let go balloons at the end of the wedding. It was awesome. Dinner was delicious and the band was epic. When I say epic I mean they were amazing . They went from singing 60's hits, to rapping eminem and lady gaga to Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer to end the wedding. Ending on a natural high of good food, good music and good people we all went to my car to find the picture you see here.Apparently a lady decided that she wanted my sweetie's sister in law's purse and had to shatter my window to get it. After a police report, canceled credit cards and so on, we finally taped it up with cardboard and went back to the hotel. We hung out and played games Saturday night then drove home Sunday. All and all it was a good time and meeting my sweetie's family was fun. They all enjoy each other and having fun and it was neat to be around.
Other than that not much is going on, I hope to get my first patient stick at work tomorrow but we will see. Wish me luck, until next time, stay safe and stay tuned!
Monday, July 5, 2010
KIeffner Ranch, Stupid Kids, and the Fourth of July
Well this past week has been a very eventful week in the Fire & EMS field. We've had a fire, a big one at that, a kid who stole his grandmother's car and rolled it, and the Fire Department Independence Day BBQ. So without further ado here is my week.
The Kleffner Ranch Fire
The Kleffner Ranch is a famous ranch just south of Helena and west of East Helena that was developed in the 1880's and was abandoned in 1893 after The Silver Panic hit and set ruin to the owner. After being vacant for a number of years, Paul Kleffner bought the ranch in 1943 and set to restoring it to it's original beauty. He then sold it in 2005 where it was still being developed into a popular place for weddings, receptions and so on.
As you can see it pretty much is a big deal place in Helena. Everyone knows of it as a landmark. So let's get into it. It was roughly 00:45 (12:45am) and I was laying awake in bed. I don't know if it was the banging of branches and blinds caused by the breezy gusts of wind outside or just a general being awake but there I was, awake. I had just closed my eyes and had just started to nod off when the familar "beep, beep, beep" of the pager went off. After scrambling to put on my fire clothing. I raced off to Station 2. I made it right as the first truck was leaving and got on Tender 1.
We raced like Highway 518 and came around the bend to see an orange glow encompassing most of the area. As we got closer the barn came into sight. An image that will forever be burned into my brain lay before me. Flames shooting out of the roof roughly from what it seemed, about 20 ft high, heavy smoke was showing from all over and flames were jutting out from all the eves. Everyone was scrambling to get their gear on and get all masked up. I was part of the second crew and we ran up with the monitor and started blasting water into the structure. We couldn't get enough water pressure to run the 3inch going into the monitor, while balancing 120psi in the 1 3/4 inch pre-connect. After some juggling and finding a stable water source we were in business. We changed bottles three times before we were sent to rehab. Which we were supposed to rehab 10 minutes at least for every bottle of air we were on. I never ran out of air, usually getting down to about 50%.
Finally after being ordered to go to the ambulance and get checked out, get placed on O2 and relaxing a bit, I got bored and jumped back into the thick of it. This picture to the left is of me shooting water into the building to knock out some visible fire. After we did what we could we realized we just weren't going to get the fire from the angle we were out, so we called in an excavator and the City of Helena's Aerial Ladder Truck. The next picture is one I took of the Aerial and Excavator with the sun coming up. With this combo we made short work of the fire. Most of us rested and pounded down some BK sandwiches and crappy coffee. But at 5am after fighting fire for four straight hours, coffee is coffee.
At 07:25 after an hour of mop up and attempted salvage, and cleaning up/breaking down the hoses, we were clear of the scene. After almost 7hrs my first structure fire was knocked down. Here is an after shot of the building and a link to the Helena IR News Article.
EMS
Later that morning I had to work, so I was at that point going on 32 hours roughly of being awake. I ended up having to drive from Helena to Great Falls then over to Kalispell and back down. Here is a shot of some angry clouds on the way back. After the fire and getting back from work at about 22:30 (10:30pm) and being up four about 42 straight hours I managed to get some sleep.
Friday night I worked with Mike the Medic and we had a pretty quiet night until about 01:20hrs or so. A kid (15yrs old) decided that he needed to steal his grandmother's car and drive it to California to help a friend. Around the Seiben area was when the Highway Patrol started chasing him, and it wasn't until Boulder Pass that he hit the guard rail going 110mph. When we got there he was cuffed as he had a standoff with police. He was laying on the ground in cuffs with a sheriff's deputy holding c-spine. We boarded him and got him to the hospital. From what we could see he only had seat-belt bruises. Luckily.
Independence Day
The fourth of July was done in a typical fashion. BBQ's, Fireworks, beer, etc. The fire department had its annual BBQ. We had really good food. We sat around a fire as it was cold. Yeah, like 40's in the evening. Folks shot clay pigeons. Then we busted out the fireworks. As you can see by the picture.
But that is about it. My first really big structure fire. Stupid kids thinking they are invincible, and good food amongst fun people. Can't ask for anything more I guess. Stay tuned as the fire season looks to get into full swing!
The Kleffner Ranch Fire
The Kleffner Ranch is a famous ranch just south of Helena and west of East Helena that was developed in the 1880's and was abandoned in 1893 after The Silver Panic hit and set ruin to the owner. After being vacant for a number of years, Paul Kleffner bought the ranch in 1943 and set to restoring it to it's original beauty. He then sold it in 2005 where it was still being developed into a popular place for weddings, receptions and so on.
As you can see it pretty much is a big deal place in Helena. Everyone knows of it as a landmark. So let's get into it. It was roughly 00:45 (12:45am) and I was laying awake in bed. I don't know if it was the banging of branches and blinds caused by the breezy gusts of wind outside or just a general being awake but there I was, awake. I had just closed my eyes and had just started to nod off when the familar "beep, beep, beep" of the pager went off. After scrambling to put on my fire clothing. I raced off to Station 2. I made it right as the first truck was leaving and got on Tender 1.
Finally after being ordered to go to the ambulance and get checked out, get placed on O2 and relaxing a bit, I got bored and jumped back into the thick of it. This picture to the left is of me shooting water into the building to knock out some visible fire. After we did what we could we realized we just weren't going to get the fire from the angle we were out, so we called in an excavator and the City of Helena's Aerial Ladder Truck. The next picture is one I took of the Aerial and Excavator with the sun coming up. With this combo we made short work of the fire. Most of us rested and pounded down some BK sandwiches and crappy coffee. But at 5am after fighting fire for four straight hours, coffee is coffee.
At 07:25 after an hour of mop up and attempted salvage, and cleaning up/breaking down the hoses, we were clear of the scene. After almost 7hrs my first structure fire was knocked down. Here is an after shot of the building and a link to the Helena IR News Article.
EMSLater that morning I had to work, so I was at that point going on 32 hours roughly of being awake. I ended up having to drive from Helena to Great Falls then over to Kalispell and back down. Here is a shot of some angry clouds on the way back. After the fire and getting back from work at about 22:30 (10:30pm) and being up four about 42 straight hours I managed to get some sleep.
Friday night I worked with Mike the Medic and we had a pretty quiet night until about 01:20hrs or so. A kid (15yrs old) decided that he needed to steal his grandmother's car and drive it to California to help a friend. Around the Seiben area was when the Highway Patrol started chasing him, and it wasn't until Boulder Pass that he hit the guard rail going 110mph. When we got there he was cuffed as he had a standoff with police. He was laying on the ground in cuffs with a sheriff's deputy holding c-spine. We boarded him and got him to the hospital. From what we could see he only had seat-belt bruises. Luckily.
Independence Day
The fourth of July was done in a typical fashion. BBQ's, Fireworks, beer, etc. The fire department had its annual BBQ. We had really good food. We sat around a fire as it was cold. Yeah, like 40's in the evening. Folks shot clay pigeons. Then we busted out the fireworks. As you can see by the picture.But that is about it. My first really big structure fire. Stupid kids thinking they are invincible, and good food amongst fun people. Can't ask for anything more I guess. Stay tuned as the fire season looks to get into full swing!
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